I kind of feel like I’m in the twilight zone. I’ve really been working on faking a great attitude until one finds its way into my person and have been relying on zaniness to stay sane. But the rediculousness of crap that continues to rain down on me is… I guess comical? So maybe the universe is forcing laughter on me. I suppose that I could choose to see things that way. Or not.
On Monday, I returned to work, so blissfully happy to be away from the fireman’s chaos. I practically rolled around on the floor of my office, I was that thrilled to be amongst people who don’t scream at me, hit me or call me names. It was about the time that I was handing over the final project that I’ve been waiting to give my new assistant, giddy with the knowledge that she was fully trained and ready to conquer the world of real estate after just 6 weeks of training, when whamo! The Universe drop kicked me over mars, around jupiter and back into my office, just in time to hear these terrible, horrible words: ”… and that is why I hate to tell you this, but I’m quitting. This is my two week notice.”
*&%(&$*^&^%&)*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I laughed. Because, of course, she could not possibly be doing this to me now. I don’t even think that it hit me that she was seriously leaving until the afternoon, when I realized that I was under my desk, in the fetal position, rocking back and forth while humming, “You Are My Sunshine”. It. Was. Awesome.
No worries, though. I have a new attitude. I will make lemonade out of these lemons. I will face this head on and make it a non-issue, because I’m going to hire myself an even better assistant. (This is where, if I was a filmmaker, I would show myself thoughtfully- pencil in mouth- typing out a completely not-panic induced Craig’s list ad. Dear Potentially Perfect Assistant… And then it would show me daydreaming about me and my fabulous new assistant, running hand-in-hand through a field of daisies.)
That night, after a bottle of wine, I realized that it was already 2012 and I still had not learned how to Dougie. And then I thought, damnit! I may not have control of my child, or my employees, or my health, but damnit! If I want to learn how to Dougie, no one is going to stop me from making that happen. Which is how I found myself at midnight on a school night, in my living room (and yes, my pajamas) standing in front of the computer doing the Dougie. And, according to Bruno, this girl’s got some moves! So, that’s something that I controlled the hell out of this week! Take that, hip hop! Next week, crunking will be my bitch!
