My life is changing. It happened slowly; the twinge in my finger lingered, became an ache. The swelling in my body, which I first dismissed as salt-induced bloating, became permanent. The pain in my ankle created a limp to compensate… A limp that I was certain would go away in a few days. Yet here...
I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis just before Christmas and haven’t cried once. It’s almost like my body is hell bent on not letting its walls down, lest the dam finally break and the flood of emotions that ensues becomes a natural distaster in the making. There are days when I want to shout that...
Tonight I went to Target and bought lipstick, a bottle of wine and my chemo meds. The wine will be the last of the alcohol for a very long time and the lipstick was to cheer me up. The meds were just… well… depressing. Even the pharmacist seemed uneasy when he was talking to me....
It’s the first day of 2013 and I’m beginning the year with a bang! Next week, I will begin chemotherapy treatments for Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was officially diagnosed a few weeks ago and have been spending the subsequent days alternating between research, fear and laughter. I’ve told 6 people, each telling harder than the last. The first...
I’ve been in hibernation the past month (or more?), not wanting to really socialize. I’ve neglected this website completely. I’m going through, a metamorphosis? I think so, at least. I’m gathering strength, working on entering the next chapter of my life, where I am fully engaged and authentic. Whatever that means. Writing my memoir has...
We race, we race, we race. Always in a hurry to reach the finish line, to type the last word, to lick the last envelope. We move at the speed of light to get from one life marker to the next, as if by merely marking off these major achievements, we are winning at life....
Fog hangs low, clings to the sharp blades of grass rolled out in front of Ron’s pale blue tract home in the suburbs. The dawn is just breaking, morning light peaking up over the hills, spilling rays of gold across the tree tops and roof peaks lining the quiet street. From inside his cold, empty...
I’ve been going through a major transformation this past year. I don’t know what the hell inspired it, but here I am, actively taking positive steps in my life to…. what? I don’t know. I just know that I’m trying to unstick myself, and it’s working. Last week I was in a really dark place....
For some inexplicable reason, the balcony on my little second floor apartment is covered in sand. The piping legs of my beach chair nestle into the grains and I dig my toes through the course piles. From my vantage point, settled outside the sliding glass door leading to my bedroom, I can see the trademark...
I drive, past the skating rink that is now a DMV, down the street that bisects what is left of the orange groves, back and forth through the winding canyon road snaking through the brown, listless hills, my windows down, the hot air blowing through my car. I pull over to the side, off the...
I was about 7 years old when I realized the sheer brilliance of comedic timing. When you live in a house where the daily environment required walking on egg shells, breaking the ice becomes a strategic life skill. And when you also happen to be an awkwardly social misfit of sorts, you quickly realize that...
I have writer’s block, not for a lack of things to write… but out of a lack of the will to keep writing. I’m not happy that each chapter seems to outdo the last in tragic memories. I’ve spent a huge part of my adult life unwilling to fall back on the bad things that...
